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As I’ve said in some of my past blogs, there’s always a reason for everything. That in anything we do and everything that happens to us, whether it’s big or small, reasons would always be there. Logically speaking, we will not be doing something if there’s no reason to it.
Naalala ko tuloy one time nung nakikipagtalo pa ako sa isang kakilala ko. I told him the cliché about reasons but he replied “hindi rin…” Since medyo mataas ang level ng pagiging pilosopo ko ng mga panahon na yun, pinatulan ko naman yung sinabi nya. Sinabi ko na imposibleng wala syang dahilan sa mga bagay na ginagawa nya. Na ultimong pagtulala nya sa kawalan ay may dahilan, at lahat ng mga bagay na nangyayari, problema, kasiyahan, panahon, at oras, hindi mawawala ang dahilan.
But even though I believe this theory, I still sometimes see myself seeking answers to questions that I can’t seem to find. Sa di malamang kadahilanan, may mga pagkakataon ako na nagtatanong kung bakit ba nangyayari ang mga sitwasyon sa buhay ko… Kung bakit pagkatapos ng kolehiyo ay di ko pa rin makuha ang pinapangarap na tagumpay, bakit makalipas ang walong taon, di pa rin ako makahanap ng matatawag na girlfriend, kung bakit sa loob ng walong taon na yun, limang sunud-sunod akong nabasted, kung bakit may mga taong nagagawa ang lahat ng bagay na gusto nila samantalang sa akin kailangan ko pa na paghirapan ang lahat ng bagay bago ko makuha ang gusto ko, at marami pang iba. Sometimes I think that everything in this world is also unfair… Just like what I have said, “Life sucks and then you die.” That whatever I do, no matter how much I persevere, and no matter how many blood and sweat I lose, everything will always go back to square one… that nothing that I do would matter because other people would always get what they want, but I won’t.
Frustration… Another word I seemingly love using. And the thing about this word is that it always shows up whenever I’m asking for reasons. Nakakapikon na lang minsan kung bakit sa dinami-dami ng tao sa mundo, bakit para yatang ako lang ng ako ang napuputukan ng mga di kagandahang pangyayari. Iniisip ko minsan, para saan na lang ang mga ginagawa ko’ng pagtulong sa kapwa, kung wala rin naming mangyayari sa buhay ko. Na kahit anong gawin kong pagbubuhat ng semento sa Gawad Kalinga, paglinis ng Arocerros Park, pag-akyat ng bundok patungong Malasya, pagtulong sa mga katutubo, pagsama sa mga alay lakad, pamamahagi ng dugo sa Red Cross, o ang simpleng pagtulong sa mga kabarkada, sa bandang huli, matapos ang mga pasasalamat na natanggap ko, pareho lang din naman ang mangyayari sa hinaharap… na wala rin naman akong mapapala.
Naisip ko, minsan na itigil na lang ang mga pagpapakabayani ko dahil parang wala rin naming nagiging resulta. I’m just making things harder for me in a way that I keep on giving, but never get anything in return… that being a good person to the majority will bring me nowhere because most of the rich inhabitants in the world are the wicked people, so why even do good?
But then again, I’m thinking of all those things that I’ve done in the past. That if I didn’t take those decisions and make those actions, would I be the same person I am today? Would I be the same human being that my friends appreciate, the same person that those indigenous people are grateful to, the same brother to my fellowmen, and the same man to those people in need? I guess that’s the reason that I’m looking for after all, that if all of those negative things didn’t occur, you will not be looking at the same blog, the same person and the same friend that people have always known me. And with this, I’ll continue being me and the helpful things I’ve done, and then just wait for whatever reason that would be given to me, because in the end, no matter what happens, we all just have to keep moving forward and create good changes for ourselves, and others as well, no matter how hard and frustrating things may be…
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