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I don’t exactly know what to feel right now because a lot of emotions are getting in to my head and chest that I never imagined possible of happening… Friday night, May 23rd to be exact, I received an unexpected, but highly hoped, message from someone whom I thought would never contact me ever again. Krystal’s name, after 2years of no communication, finally popped up on my mobile screen. Well, actually I sent her a mail two weeks ago on her other address and gave her my number… It wasn’t really unexpected but rather optimized… So there I was on a Friday night, preparing my mattress so I can go to sleep, when suddenly, my Nacho Libre message tone took my attention, and low and behold, I got a message from Krystal, telling me that she just got my mail Thursday morning and that she lost her phone before, practically the main reason why I never got to contact her this past few months via cell phone…
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Naturally, of course I’d be happy since I’ve been trying to reconnect with the girl for quite some time now, and wanting to be with her as much as I possibly can. All the while that we were exchanging messages, I was elated with insurmountable joy in me, I even told her that I want to go to Nueva Ecija so I could see her face to face once again, when the cruelty of reality finally pulled my feet down in to the pitfalls of dejection… As we were exchanging messages, I asked her if she’s already seeing someone… She said she has a boyfriend right now and they have been together for two years, the same two years that I let slip past me… That’s the time that I felt regrets rushing though my whole body. I felt like hitting rock-bottom so fast, I couldn’t even think of getting up. At that point, I was thinking that there I was, supposed to be having one of the greatest days in my life, and yet, I’m feeling downcast.
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Now, I know that in my past blogs, I said that I will definitely do anything so I could get her in to my life, and have her stay there as long as I live… but at this point, I don’t think I can do that… I don’t have it in me to pull all the stops to make it happen, that even if I try and she decides to choose me, I know that I don’t have it in my heart and mind to let myself be happy at the expense of others. I wanted to prove her that I really want us to be together and that I will make it work this time, but how can I prove it if she already has someone else? I could try to wait, again… but until when?
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I guess for me, life sucks until I eventually die… that I’m aboard a downward-spiral blitz of spitefulness towards my being, until the time that I yearn no more of anything…
