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Darn It!
I’m not sure if it was me, or they’re just too complicated with the things they do, either way, I am freaking’ affected… Just recently, I tried to apply for a writer position in a company located in Makati, so at least, I’d be able to say "Finally, I’m not an agent anymore!" But then again, they rejected my application due to some writing style incompatibility and some errors on my language… They asked me to make an essay, gave me a topic, then, I gave the essay to them, and viola! I didn’t pass…
Although, this is only my second job application outside the call center industry (the first one was in a bank… I flunked the math exam), but then again, this one is different from all of the applications that I have made because this is the only one that is directly connected to the field that I have studied before… Now I’m wondering, was it a good idea that I took English Language as my major in college? Was it just a fluke that I was able to finish that freaking’ four year course?
I have no idea now what I want… I’m not sure if writing really is for me… that I’d be able to do something about it because I believe that I’m good at it… How about the people that said I am good? People who believed and believes in me, and the ones that motivated me? Were they just pulling me a lie? Am I just making a fool of myself? Did I let those people, including myself, down?
I just can’t imagine myself staying in this industry for any longer period of time… I want to break free from this, and start doing something that I really like doing… or is it already the end of the line? Will I ever be able to get out of this temp job? Or do just I rot in here, together with a bunch of people that couldn’t get out of this industry as well?
I’m having a lot of doubts now regarding my capabilities as an English Language graduate… All of the poems I created, essays that I have written, blogs that I entered, some short stories of my own, recommendations I gave and teachings that I rendered are seemingly just a bunch of farce… That they don’t really mean anything but just a horde of crap, under a mass of even more crap… That I’m a fraud, just trying too hard to tell everyone that I am the real deal… That I am just living in my make believe world that am actually a genius of my own dimension… Damn it! I’m even wondering if I’m doing this thing correctly!
