Tensai’s Sanctity

”Mend”
– TENSAI_13 –

The prominence of the world has vanished, as I believe it.
All the marvel that I ever wished for, I found in you.
As every moment of loneness I try to blaze
But no flames seem to come forth.

Every insight miscarries to unearth its path,
Another situation rebounded and back again
Figured out I’m more gone astray than found when you’re not around,
When you’re out of sight, I feel it burning from inside

Endow me with what I could never request for,
Alleviate me and you could be my remedy.
Provide me the cure that you know I’m after,
Palliate my hurting, and you could make me boundless…

There would always be this instance in one’s life where he will definitely make a lot of errs and bad decisions, making him go to a place that he never thought he would ever be in… but soon realize that inside the pit that he inadvertently entered, lies a vastly radiant sign of hope and serenity that would and could possibly make him complete for the rest of his existence…

I decided to use the words “would and could” because quite frankly, I don’t have the certainties as of yet if I’m on the verge of a big breakthrough in my social life, or am I again, just wasting my time… I’m currently in the process of creating another possible “making or breaking time” for my self… The time where a certain thing is needed to be done for me to know if I should go ahead walking through the enormous, spiral road of benevolence and despair, or do I stop and wait for a companion to accompany me with my journey towards infinite bliss…

Surely, everyone who got to read my last blog post were able to see the supposedly hidden message in the poem, but made a little obvious for everyone to see… The one thing that is, as I’ve said from my past blogs, keeping me to stay in the company that I’m currently working for, even though I’m currently experiencing a lot of senseless hullabaloos… The light that I see in the caves of the pit, and the touch of hope that I’m currently clinging on to… So far, things are going quite well and are flowing smoothly as they are supposed to be… but my anxieties are still killing me due to my past experiences. I guess being rejected multiple times in a row already took its toll on me, and took all the confidence that I used to have borrowed from the world…

My situation now is that I was already able to give her the poem and the response is something I don’t really expect, probably because I’m not really expecting a reply at all since I’m used to it… She told me she liked and will definitely keep it… then we had a few exchanges of replies and that’s about it… I’m not sure if I was able to convey what I intended to say or am I slowly, but surely breaking myself down and adding another friend to my list? The rest is yet to come and the upshot of this situation is far from being completed, but the fact of the matter still remains… That I have the tendencies of doing the same mistakes, even though I already know what they are, when they are supposed to happen, and how they could occur…

The only thing that I’m hoping right now is for my yearnings to be fulfilled; be able to live up to the test, and be able to make sure to show each and every single person in the world that I am worthy, and capable to render zeal like nobody else can…

“Lyric, To Whom Would I Render Thee?”
-TENSAI_13-

Come with me, oh my sweetest fair,
Let the endless passion fill the air.
Under the stillness of the bluish sky,
We’ll let the time pass us by.

We’ll travel the world of fervent beauty,
And endear the land of milk and honey.
We’ll void every trace of malediction,
And detect the way to benediction.

I’ll take thee to the holy roses field,
Where highly beloved hearts are sealed.
Together we’ll cherish the sweet surrender,
And elate ourselves in joy forever.

But if time will never let us be,
There’s only one thing I guarantee.
I’d rather perish in heavy tears,
Than be with others in greatest cheers.

I can now relax and remove my anxieties because the lump at the back of my head vanished like a bubble. The remedy that the doctor gave me was highly effective, so there’s no need for any further treatments… I want to take this chance as well to thank the people who showed concern when they learned about my situation… the ones who sent messages via text, called my cell phone, made text brigades, and of course, the ones who did prayers for my sake… It goes to show that a lot of people care about me and I don’t have to wonder anymore if anyone I know would cry if in case the great being above decides that my time is up… because before I was really having some speculations of whom in my circle of friends would actually miss me when I’m gone… Anyway, enough with that shitty thought because I bet some of the people who might read this might get some eerie feelings about it… Now, moving on to another topic, I’m currently in doubt if I really want to stay in my present company or not… reason being is because I’m getting too much bull crap in it and I’m getting frustrated in the position that they want me to stay in to… The only thing that is making me stay there as of the moment is the fact that this certain girl also works there… I don’t exactly know why I like her but I seem to have a major attraction towards her… the only problem is that my tail seems to go back from where it came from whenever I see her… typical of Tensai when he was still in High School… and it’s making me frustrated because I really like the girl… Anyway, I’m not about to let her fly away with the wind so I’m going to make sure that she will know that I exist… and make sure that when that moment comes, she’ll have the caring that only Tensai can give…